Sacred Text Enthusiast Gifts

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

"Meet the scribe"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

John Bunyan

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

Man embarrassed by a schoolboy's superior knowledge of Greek

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

Meet the Author

IMHOtep

Holy Bible

The Archbishops says to stop adding emoticons.

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

Jesus wept

Amimated illuminated Manuscript

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

"He never lets you forget that he had a cameo in the Old Testament."

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

"I can't believe the platypuses gave us $100 for our spot on the ark."

"We only have the Bible."

"Believe it or not this is the original stack of bibles that I perjured myself on."

"Hold the front page!"

"I couldn't put in down boss. Hard hitting, straight to the point..sure to be a best seller."

'So, read any good book lately?'

"The Bible does not say that!... And if it does, it's taken out of context!... And if it isn't, it's just a metaphor!... And if it's not, it's not a big deal!... And if it is, then that's just how things were done back then!... And if... er... shut up

Express Mountain - 10 Commandments or Less

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

"How's that computer manual coming along?"

"If you used a smaller font they would all fit on one tablet."

Even in retirement, Moses kept his 'chops' up.

"I think we'll put it out as a self-help guide."

"If you don't stop quoting scripture at me, Reverend, you will go to hell."