Religious Text Enthusiast Gifts

Holy Bible

John Bunyan

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Man embarrassed by a schoolboy's superior knowledge of Greek

Christian and Born again Christian...

Noah's ark, many lions

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Meet the Author

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

IMHOtep

"Remember, God created you. Evolution will get you left behind."

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

'Yes, they've been fact-checked!'

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

Jesus wept

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"I can't help thinking there's a book in this."

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

Pastoring for Dummies

'If there was one thing Methusela hated. It was his Birthday bumps.

"Seven hundred wives? I'll bet he had a lot of inlaw problems?"

King Solomon's Wedding"You may kiss the brides. You may also kiss the concubines, but don't make a big tzimmes about it."