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Holy Bible

John Bunyan

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Man embarrassed by a schoolboy's superior knowledge of Greek

Noah's ark, many lions

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Meet the Author

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

IMHOtep

"Remember, God created you. Evolution will get you left behind."

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

Adam and Eve: The Later Years.

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

'Yes, they've been fact-checked!'

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

Jesus wept

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'

"I can't help thinking there's a book in this."

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

Pastoring for Dummies

'If there was one thing Methusela hated. It was his Birthday bumps.

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

"Seven hundred wives? I'll bet he had a lot of inlaw problems?"