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John Bunyan

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Man embarrassed by a schoolboy's superior knowledge of Greek

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Meet the Author

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Horseshoes...Samson-style

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

IMHOtep

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

Holy Bible

"When you get a minute, I have some kitchen shelves you can put up."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"He changed water into wine!"

Jesus wept

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

"The last doggy bag."

Pastoring for Dummies

Noah's Nark.

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

'Actually, we were hoping for a less high-maintenance God.'

"No, we can't have a lawyer look at them first!"

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

"He never lets you forget that he had a cameo in the Old Testament."

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'