Religious Text Reader Gifts

"One of you shall betray me - Four of you shall get book deals."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

John Bunyan

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Meet the Author

"I have an app for that."

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'Bront?saurus.'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Jane Austen

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Holy Bible

Noah posted his first tweet.

Heaven

'What are you staring at? . . . Please save me from the English majors.'

"You'd like a book by Shakespeare? Certainly sir - which one. . .?"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Book

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

Books*. *Batteries not included.

Pastoring for Dummies

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

'But everybody does that stuff!'

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

"We only have the Bible."

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

George Orwell.