Biblical Text Reader Gifts

"We only have the Bible."

Moses on the web

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"I have an app for that."

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Jesus breaks the bread.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Javert" Would Like To Use Your Current Location

The Ordered List

"Well no, Ed. Jonah's fish probably wasn't as big as the one you caught in the state fishing tournament."

"I dropped my goblet!"

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"It's Shakespeare, Mother - please do't keep moaning 'Oh get on with it'!"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

'But everybody does that stuff!'

"You're a surprisingly good kisser for having two different dead guys' lips."

Noah chest.

"You remember us....from your garden."

"We'll see you soon, kids! Your mother and I have won a romantic cruise for two on some man's huge ark."

"Jesus, walking on top of the water does not count as a bath."

Alice in Wonderland - The Cheshire Cat.

"And you thought you were having a bad hair day."