Bible Story Reader Gifts

'Great, David! But think what you could do with a personal trainer!'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"I've told you before one at each end!"

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'You say the ARKS are NOT two by two?'

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"And maybe throw in a talking snake to make sure they don't take it literally."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Little Known Moments In History

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"I have an app for that."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Regifts of the Magi

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

Noah posted his first tweet.

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

So … how did you two meet?

"If Noah asks... Just tell him you've all had your vaccinations."

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Moses' TV guide.

"Daniel, I seem to have dropped my keys, could you look around and toss them up."

"His name is Jonah. Are you sure you haven't seen him?"

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

Forbidden Vegetable