Bible Reader Gifts

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"I have an app for that."

Couldn't you just text these to me?

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

The Ten Ton Commandments

'Well, your photosynthetic stuff was a lot more peaceful.'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

Noah posted his first tweet.

"I've heard the film's a lot better..!"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Moses on the web

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Little Known Moments In History

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Jesus breaks the bread.

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

Moses gets REALLY lost in the desert.

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Well no, Ed. Jonah's fish probably wasn't as big as the one you caught in the state fishing tournament."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"I told you not to include woodpeckers!"

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"His name is Jonah. Are you sure you haven't seen him?"

Monkey's Ejected from the Garden of Eden

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

Pastoring for Dummies