Reading The Bible Gifts

'I didn't realize You were going to micromanage.'

Moses on a park bench

Peter denies Jesus three times.

Jesus always enjoyed a day on the water fishing.

Jesus breaks the bread.

Elisha floats the keys to the borrowed car, after the disciple dropped them in the water.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Moses separating his Laundry.

Moses on the web

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

TSA Noah

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

Little Known Moments In History

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"