Reading Scripture Gifts

"Well no, Ed. Jonah's fish probably wasn't as big as the one you caught in the state fishing tournament."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"I have an app for that."

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Jesus breaks the bread.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Jesus wept

Promised Land Signpost

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

'But everybody does that stuff!'

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

"You remember us....from your garden."

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

Noah chest.

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."

"We only have the Bible."

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'