Old Testament Reader Gifts

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'And we're supposed to be the nation that camped in the desert for 40 years.'

"We're running out of food, better check the kangaroos for stowaways"

'It's Moses again - now he's lost his traveler's checks.'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"I have an app for that."

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Horseshoes...Samson-style

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

Joseph and his coat

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

"Daniel, I seem to have dropped my keys, could you look around and toss them up."

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."

Noah's Nark.

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'