Torah Readers Gifts

Samson Gets Off at Fourteen

Manna Helper

'Yes, all at once!'

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Safer Torah

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Moses Invents the Top 10 List: 'Whoa, whoa, whoa...trust me, that's waaaay too much information.'

Torah reading on the subway.

'It's Moses again - now he's lost his traveler's checks.'

Benaiah questions the mighty men on who pushed him in the pit.

Haman as a child

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

"Look, it's manna or nothing - No WAY He's going to give us ham sandwiches!"

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

'Lot was told to take his wife and daughter and flee from Sodom.'

Joshua as a kid

'I'll let your people go, but NO dual citizenship!'