Torah Scholar Gifts

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I liberate them from Egypt, give them manna, daily bread, milk AND honey, and the can't even keep ten lousy commandments!'

'I'll let your people go, but NO dual citizenship!'

'Yes, all at once!'

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Moses as a child.

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"First, do no ham."

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

Safer Torah

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Moses Invents the Top 10 List: 'Whoa, whoa, whoa...trust me, that's waaaay too much information.'

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Manna Helper

Torah reading on the subway.

Samson Gets Off at Fourteen

Benaiah questions the mighty men on who pushed him in the pit.

Haman as a child

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'