Torah Reader Gifts

"So who should we believe, the mysterious disembodied voice or the surprisingly persuasive talking snake?"

Moses Invents the Top 10 List: 'Whoa, whoa, whoa...trust me, that's waaaay too much information.'

'Sorry, but letting your people go could lead to a recession.'

As mountain goats, Carl and Maxine had a great view

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Monster Horrorscopes

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

"Maybe all spirit filled meetings should be held outside to avoid setting off the sprinklers."

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

"We only have the Bible."

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

I just knew this would be dull.

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

Safer Torah

Madame Lucille Fortune Teller. "I predict the future."

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Manna Helper