Tarot Reader Gifts

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

"Sorry, but my WiFi is down."

Tarot Cards for Chickens

Madame Lucille Fortune Teller. "I predict the future."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

Domestic Tarot: The Hanged Man

Monster Horrorscopes

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

I just knew this would be dull.

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

Ill next Thursday

Your climb up the company ladder starts now.

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

The Inner Dog.

Nostradamus.

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

Hog Futures

"Out today due to foreseen circumstances."

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

Fortune Tellers Convention

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'Will I ever catch my tail?'