Old Testament Scholar Gifts

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'You didn't tell me there'd be CANAANITES!'

'We were hoping for a blanket pardon.'

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I've got writer's block."

"You call this a constitution?"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"What did Jesus order?"