Old Testament Scholar Gifts

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'You didn't tell me there'd be CANAANITES!'

'We were hoping for a blanket pardon.'

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"You call this a constitution?"

"I've got writer's block."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"