Religious Reader Gifts

Pastoring for Dummies

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

Milk Of The Word

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

John Bunyan

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The ten ammendments

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

Heaven

"You think it's tough down there?"

"Hey! These are still good!!"

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Damn Pope Gregory and his new calendar."