Religious Reader Gifts

Pastoring for Dummies

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Milk Of The Word

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

John Bunyan

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The ten ammendments

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

Holy Bible

Heaven

"Hey! These are still good!!"

"You think it's tough down there?"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

Religious texts from heaven and hell find common ground...they are made in China.

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"Damn Pope Gregory and his new calendar."

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.