Religious Story Lover Gifts

"I think I know why you've been so stuffed-up lately."

"I've told you before one at each end!"

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'You say the ARKS are NOT two by two?'

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"And maybe throw in a talking snake to make sure they don't take it literally."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Little Known Moments In History

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Summer in Elysium and The long vacation in Arcadia

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

Regifts of the Magi

So … how did you two meet?

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

'We were hoping You'd just say 'Be fruitful and multiply' again.'

"His name is Jonah. Are you sure you haven't seen him?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

Monkey's Ejected from the Garden of Eden

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'I ran out of pebbles.'

"I told you not to include woodpeckers!"

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

"We don't see ourselves as either a David or a Goliath. We're content to just be the company that manufactures the sling shots."

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

Pastoring for Dummies

"It's a land flowing with milk and honey, with a small but lively arts district."

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'Can I hold? Hey, I've got 40 days and 40 nights.'