Sabbath Scholar Gifts

Boy playing and sundayschool teacher

The Sunday Question - The Public House

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"You call this a constitution?"

"I've got writer's block."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"What did Jesus order?"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."