Sabbath Ponderer Gifts

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

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'It's the middle of the summer. You've been hallucinating again.'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"How long has he been missing?"

Jesus wept

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

Various Birds of Pray.

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

Evolution of God. . .

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

Thomas Aquinas

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"Do you have a minute to talk about God?"