Sabbath Satirist Gifts

....And on the seventh day,god painted!

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Bishops Snooker

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"...and in conclusion..."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Cheap Labour Countries.

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."