Sabbath Gifts

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

And on the Seventh Day...

Presbyterian Butler

'Jack, about those beans you bought for the cholent...'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Working Holiday

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

A child interrupting family prayers

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Technological Dependence.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

How's my sermon. . .