Sanctuary Scholar Gifts

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Tiny air ship flying over globe.

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

The idea of a wo-man cave was looking better and better.

'When I asked for your favourite Saint, I didn't think of someone like Michael Ballack, son.'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

"It's called a "sanctuary": they fixed my broken wing, took care of me for a few weeks, then released me. Amazing..."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

"No, we can't have a lawyer look at them first!"

"He never lets you forget that he had a cameo in the Old Testament."

Paul before Felix.

"Doesn't pharisee start with a 'ph'?"

"You're positive we don't need these notarized?"

Monk scribe has written ornate letter 'S' which turns into 'Sod this for a lark!!'