Rural Storyteller Gifts

'Your barn door's open.'

'If I've learned one thing after all these years, it's that 'moo' doesn't always mean 'moo'.'

A frown of farmers

"Yeah, 'Dog', just 'Dog'. I'm a working dog and my farmer is not the sentimental type. . ."

Chase me, chase me cows.

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"It seemed like miles to me!"

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

Amusement Park Fun (Country Style).

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

I fart more than that!

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

"This isn't the big city anymore, Jim. I'm the facilitator now."

A Venus cow trap.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'The country is awfully deep, but the falling is delightfully soft and safe'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Wow, I don't know why we don't sit down like this more often!

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

A bit of Newlyn.

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

'I should've never sold my truck when I moved to the city.'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

WHOA! Another 6! Erm...what's that mean?

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'