Rural Resident Gifts

"I said, can you hear me now...?!"

Entering Clogsted.

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

'Life is great' down on the farm.

A cat has caught a cow which it is dragging through it's cat flap.

Farm Humor.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

Country Bumpkin.

A Highlander Chasing Dogs with a Knife and a Broom.

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

A man in a car waits for a large herd of cows to cross the road; once they have crossed he finds a cow sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

Lamb Noise.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

I fart more than that!

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"They’re real."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)

"You were the one who thought it was too dangerous to raise a child in the big city."

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"I always knew you'd come back."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

You complete me!

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Farmers' Warnings.

"I'm an enigma!"

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

A boy who loves cows/burgers