Countryside Resident Gifts

Rural Life - Man woken by a cockerel

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

Humans...What is their purpose?

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

Allotment

'Life is great' down on the farm.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Country Bumpkin.

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

'It's 'baa baa' here and 'baa baa' there, until I'm just about nuts.'

'How very Cumbria.'

Mother Nature

A man in a car waits for a large herd of cows to cross the road; once they have crossed he finds a cow sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

Walkers

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

I fart more than that!

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

High Riders of the Old West

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)

Sheep In Curlers

"This isn't the big city anymore, Jim. I'm the facilitator now."

Get on with it!

I wouldn't mind so much, but it's all junk mail.

A Venus cow trap.

'I'm sorry, your cheese has not matured enough!'

"Static cling."

Thatched roof car.