Rug Raconteur Gifts

The world's oldest braided rug

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

'Are you blind ref?'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'As a young rat, I traveled the world as a stowaway on a merchant navy ship...'

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"I'll need a three iron."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

How Platypuses Are Born

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

Crime and punishment - football.

'I object, your Honor! How much wood would woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood is purely conjecture!'

Commuting with Sardinetrack - 'Coo, don't they pack us in?'

'Down on the farm!'

Cat being guarded by security mice.

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

Businessman As A Weather Vane

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

"What's that welt, Gracie?"

"And now, our motivational squeaker."

'...And before I knew it, I'd delegated ALL my authority!'

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

'Talk about a spread. I bet his will go 38 inches.'