Rubbish Raconteur Gifts

"Deals in junk....talks a load of rubbish."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

Piles of trash discarded by ancient people are a rich source of artifacts for archaeologists. I unearthed garbage dumps that advanced our understanding of prehistoric societies. On the island of Crete I found ancient trash that increased our knowledge about the Minoan people. And I recently uncovered informative Celtic rubbish. Please stop saying studying ancient cultures by what they threw away is "junk science"!

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

Non Thought For The Day.

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Wow, I don't know why we don't sit down like this more often!

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

Daisy Diaper Service

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"You've opened my eyes to the most disgusting worldly delights."

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

Burn All Your Garden Rubbish

Mock cover of 'Landfill' magazine

'He's still on a tether from his incarceration, but one day he hopes to go wireless.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Now we wait for the show to begin!

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

'Dad, I've joined the Police: The Taser Unit!'

The world's oldest braided rug

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

Fish with a hook tells a good tale.

'Down on the farm!'

A Boy Visits The Rector To Ask For Some Soup.

'The night cows fell on Alabama.'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

Man wetting himself in a toilet queue.

Soap Box

Businessman As A Weather Vane

Man Tries To Teach Horse To Jump.