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The world's oldest braided rug

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

'Are you blind ref?'

'As a young rat, I traveled the world as a stowaway on a merchant navy ship...'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"I'll need a three iron."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

How Platypuses Are Born

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

Crime and punishment - football.

'I object, your Honor! How much wood would woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood is purely conjecture!'

Cat being guarded by security mice.

Commuting with Sardinetrack - 'Coo, don't they pack us in?'

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

'Down on the farm!'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

Businessman As A Weather Vane

"What's that welt, Gracie?"

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

'...And before I knew it, I'd delegated ALL my authority!'

"And now, our motivational squeaker."

"Sorry mate, last train's gone."