Roach Raconteur T-Shirts

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

Non Thought For The Day.

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

'As a young rat, I traveled the world as a stowaway on a merchant navy ship...'

"I'll need a three iron."

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Social butterfly

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

How Platypuses Are Born

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

"Okay, now we just wait for the wind to pick up!"

The world's oldest braided rug

Robot asking for money in bar code language.

'I object, your Honor! How much wood would woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood is purely conjecture!'

Brenda always had Safe sex

'It's a cheeky little wine!'

"And this is where I met your mum."

Cat being guarded by security mice.

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'