Ranch Raconteur T-Shirts

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Wow, I don't know why we don't sit down like this more often!

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"House red, sir?"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

Just another day at Helium Farm

Road Kill Cafe.

"I'll need a three iron."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

'Mom, I think it's time I graduated to a full size horse.'

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

'He's on steeroids.'

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

Western Philosophy

Making Things Pleasant.

'According to your resume you're an experienced ranch hand...I knew I should have checked your references!'

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'