Railway Raconteur Gifts

"Sorry mate, last train's gone."

Old Man and Railway Porter

'It's worse than the wrong side of the tracks - I was born on them!'

'Have we found the 12.26 to Mossley?' (Railway/Train)

"Metro-North is getting ridiculous!"

Packed like sardines

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

Non Thought For The Day.

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"That was Hadrian's wall. Now here we are crashing into the Great Wall of China."

How Platypuses Are Born

Harold Was Done Asking Customers About Their Day

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Mister Nooka, taking over the frozen food division.'

The world's oldest braided rug

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

Commuting with Sardinetrack - 'Coo, don't they pack us in?'

"Thanks - it was so fabulously regional. I mean, I can't close my eyes without seeing fajitas and Georgia O'Keeffe."

'It's a cheeky little wine!'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

"Alton Towers was rubbish, Mum - the A14 was much scarier."

'During my trip around the World, I took some pictures with this new digital camera... here is my finger covering the lens in Sidney... here in New York... Rome... Lisbon... Hamburg...'

"Ya know, what really struck me the most about my trip to Bali was the $14 ham and cheese sandwich I discovered at JFK Airport."