Retrospective Raconteur Gifts

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

Non Thought For The Day.

"The house doesn't seem big because the kids are gone - it seems big because we've shrunk so much."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"1971... 2015..."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Social butterfly

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

Brenda always had Safe sex

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

"And this is where I met your mum."

"I am retired now, but I was an accountant for 35 years 8 months 16 days 14 hours 26 minutes and 34 seconds."

'Down on the farm!'

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

'I'll tell you one thing - if I knew I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

Businessman As A Weather Vane

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

"In the bad old days, Nigel used to spend much of his time drinking and 'picking up birds'. . ."