Reminiscing Raconteur Gifts

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Social butterfly

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

Brenda always had Safe sex

'I understand that the two of you had a rather successful collaboration on our new sex manual!'

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

"When I was your age, I had to walk two blocks to the video rental store."

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

"That's a very nice hobby. My hobby is living."

"In the bad old days, Nigel used to spend much of his time drinking and 'picking up birds'. . ."

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

"You've just been copying things from my sex diary into your sex diary."

'Howdy, Millie, how's your incontinence?'