Retro Raconteurs Gifts

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

Professor in time machine at the end of a battle "Damn watch!"

"When I was a boy, I had to walk five miles through the snow to change the channel."

"I am retired now, but I was an accountant for 35 years 8 months 16 days 14 hours 26 minutes and 34 seconds."

Commuting with Sardinetrack - 'Coo, don't they pack us in?'

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'I understand that the two of you had a rather successful collaboration on our new sex manual!'

'Hey, you're the one who said he was too old to order off the kids' menu.'

'Wh...what? House of straw? House of sticks? But that was so long ago!'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

"Alton Towers was rubbish, Mum - the A14 was much scarier."

"This is what I did on my summer vacation....please hold your questions till the end."

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

"In the bad old days, Nigel used to spend much of his time drinking and 'picking up birds'. . ."

Jerome Higgins, World Champion of boring people to death.

"Remember the good old days when they ran away from home?"

'Howdy, Millie, how's your incontinence?'

'I remember when all this was banks...'

While you are waiting here are a few jokes to keep you smiling......

"When I was your age we didn't have mouths."

"I am boomer. . . Hear me whine!"

'I thought I was on the gravy train, and then the Wabash Cannon Ball got me!'