Romance Raconteur Gifts

"I've always been pretty good with the ladies" - Small claims court.

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

Non Thought For The Day.

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"I had half a date last weekend."

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

Social butterfly

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

"The lack of perspective kills me..."

Brenda always had Safe sex