Romantic Raconteur Gifts

Brenda always had Safe sex

"You've just been copying things from my sex diary into your sex diary."

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

How was the date last night? Hot. Let's hear it. Na. Not the sort of details I wanna record in print. So next time we get together and talk? For sure.

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

"No, actually you're very different from the women I usually date."

'There was Jason, Cyril, Jack, Henry, Mark, Peter, Manfred, and three psychiatrists.'

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'I need the love of a good woman - see to it, Pendleton!'

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Seduction

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"And this is where I met your mum."

"With all the widows living here, I don't think of it as retirement. . . more like I was put out to stud!"

Social butterfly

"Hey baby. Check out my mom. . ."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Tristan Und Isolde

Non Thought For The Day.

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Catch and release dating.

Frankenstein's Reading Light

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Two men wearing laurels and holding hands

'They met in a revolving door and started going around together.'

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"You may now kiss the bride."