Relationship Raconteur Gifts

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

Every wife's dream conversation.

"The only dancing my husband ever did was sidestepping responsibility."

'Why shouldn't I get married in Firm's time - I got pregnant in Firm's time?'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Dinner's on the table, some assembly is required."

"Woah, dude! I never knew Smiley could be so hot!"

"I had half a date last weekend."

"I can't stand to see you walk out on me. I'll call a taxi."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

Home, Bittersweet Home.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'I told you my wife would kill us!'

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

"I could see finding him a cool guy if I wasn't married to him."

"I can't bear the suspense, Albert. Would you please put your two cents in right now!"

"It's like the minute they see 'Charlie Manson' on your dating profile all you get are the crazy ones."

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Alright, let's do this.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."