Reflective Raconteur Gifts

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"I had half a date last weekend."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with worrying that you forget something."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"I'll need a three iron."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

'He's still on a tether from his incarceration, but one day he hopes to go wireless.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Social butterfly

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

Brenda always had Safe sex

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

Every wife's dream conversation.

"I am retired now, but I was an accountant for 35 years 8 months 16 days 14 hours 26 minutes and 34 seconds."