Reflective Raconteur Pillows

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"I had half a date last weekend."

"I'll need a three iron."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with worrying that you forget something."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'He's still on a tether from his incarceration, but one day he hopes to go wireless.'

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Social butterfly

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

Brenda always had Safe sex

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

Every wife's dream conversation.