Research Raconteur Pillows

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

Non Thought For The Day.

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'I got caught in a blogstorm.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"I had half a date last weekend."

"I'll need a three iron."

Beware of the Blog.

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Social butterfly

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

How Platypuses Are Born

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'I can't do that project --- tweeting is taking up my life.'

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

Brenda always had Safe sex