Research Raconteur Pillows

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

Non Thought For The Day.

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"I'll need a three iron."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

How Platypuses Are Born

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

Social butterfly

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

Brenda always had Safe sex

Every wife's dream conversation.