Reclusive Raconteur Gifts

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

Non Thought For The Day.

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

Telecommuting doesn't hold up well during team building trust exercises.

My first overseas holiday - and what a disaster! I spent most of the time in quarantine...

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

'He's still on a tether from his incarceration, but one day he hopes to go wireless.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Social butterfly

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

How Platypuses Are Born

Watercooler moments weren't quite the same since Norman started working from home.

"Okay, now we just wait for the wind to pick up!"

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

Brenda always had Safe sex

"And this is where I met your mum."

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

'Down on the farm!'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

Businessman As A Weather Vane

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

Frogs Reinventing Themselves During A Mask Mandate

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

Prince Charles celebrates Queen's abdication.