Radioactive Raconteur Gifts

How Platypuses Are Born

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

Coffee Shop and Battery Charging Station

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Are you blind ref?'

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

'As a young rat, I traveled the world as a stowaway on a merchant navy ship...'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"I'll need a three iron."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

The world's oldest braided rug

Robot asking for money in bar code language.

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

Crime and punishment - football.

'I object, your Honor! How much wood would woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood is purely conjecture!'

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'Welcome to Jiffy Scan. Do you want crayons and coloring pages?'

Cat being guarded by security mice.

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

"I can count on one hand the number of times I've been to Chernobyl."

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

Prince Charles celebrates Queen's abdication.

"And now, our motivational squeaker."

In their secret campaign to enslave humanity, the machines make their first big misstep with Artificial Sincerity.

'I remember when all this was banks...'

"He's back again. I thought you called pest control after we lost my mother."