Robotic Raconteur Gifts

In their secret campaign to enslave humanity, the machines make their first big misstep with Artificial Sincerity.

Coffee Shop and Battery Charging Station

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'As a young rat, I traveled the world as a stowaway on a merchant navy ship...'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

"I'll need a three iron."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Social butterfly

'If you want to brag about yourself, start a blog.'

Food Blog

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

How Platypuses Are Born

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

Robot asking for money in bar code language.

Brenda always had Safe sex

'I object, your Honor! How much wood would woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood is purely conjecture!'

'Down on the farm!'

'It's a cheeky little wine!'

Cat being guarded by security mice.