Railway Raconteurs Gifts

Commuting with Sardinetrack - 'Coo, don't they pack us in?'

'I thought I was on the gravy train, and then the Wabash Cannon Ball got me!'

While you are waiting here are a few jokes to keep you smiling......

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

Packed like sardines

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

"That was Hadrian's wall. Now here we are crashing into the Great Wall of China."

'Mister Nooka, taking over the frozen food division.'

The world's oldest braided rug

Harold Was Done Asking Customers About Their Day

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

'Of course you can't understand a word he says, he's the station tannoy announcer.'

'It's the acceptable face of the high-speed rail link.'

Ridiculed for arriving in Washington in private jets, the Big Three auto CEOs found a more humble way to travel.

"Because of track work, uptown trains are going downtown, and downtown trains are going uptown."

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

"Thanks - it was so fabulously regional. I mean, I can't close my eyes without seeing fajitas and Georgia O'Keeffe."

"We apologise for the late arrival of the 1945 train...."

Replacement Bus Service Spotter

In the event of emergency, break glass gently.

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

"Alton Towers was rubbish, Mum - the A14 was much scarier."

Mastermind - "You've chosen rail ticket conditions 1998-99."

"Ya know, what really struck me the most about my trip to Bali was the $14 ham and cheese sandwich I discovered at JFK Airport."

'During my trip around the World, I took some pictures with this new digital camera... here is my finger covering the lens in Sidney... here in New York... Rome... Lisbon... Hamburg...'

''Sorry, we get no demand for it'- if I've said that once today, I've said it a hundred times!'

"Sorry mate, last train's gone."