Ritualistic Guru Gifts

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

R.C.I.A.

'At my age, yoga keeps me flexible, so I can still lick myself clean...'

"Mom?"

Weathervanes.

"Yee yee hee hee how how yip yip."

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

Valentine for Guru.

"A non-virgin wold have had a devastating effect on crop yield."

Do you kneel to pray in church? No, we stand up for our rites.

The Nargleys perform their post-holiday ritual of trying to blow all the needles off the tree in one breath,

Yogi Mayor

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Ganges

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

'How's your pilates class doing?'

Office Hazing

'I just joined the Freemasons and I'm afraid you're our next sacrifice..'

"Ralph's over-interpreting the data again."

Guru reading 'Hedonism for Ascetics'

Phyllis exercises her demons.

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'

"You've all abstained for at least one hour from any food and drink, except for water and medicine, right?"

"It's our view that this two-tier system is unfair and divisive."

Lord Summerisle was a Big Jacko fan...

'If everything is illusory, why should I listen to you?'

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.

Huldrych Zwingli (Zwinglianism)

A pair of yoga instructors use beds of nails on the beach.

'Yes...I found the light. Unfortunately it was that little one in the refrigerator.'

Seder Plate Symbols Explained