Religion Guru Gifts

Huldrych Zwingli (Zwinglianism)

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"Feel my claw of death!"

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"I make money, therefore I am."

'Just be patient. Greed always makes a come back.'

The Ekert Saga: 'Let's put it this way...can you imagine how the world would be if everyone actually practiced hat they preach about following the 'golden rule'?

A good leader has effective conflict resolution strategies in place.

'...but our most useful publication is the 'Journal of Don't-Do-It: It's-Already-Been-Done.''

Walking on Water

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

Investments: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Greed

Honey badger do care.

"But if I don't know the corporate values then I'm not accountable to them."

Valentine for Guru.

'Now we'll give the patient our drug.'

It's the Dr. Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. You're on, Boise. What's your problem?! I don

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

No, he's not metamorphosing. He's in a time-out.

'Throw them out of the Garden of Eden - THAT'LL provide the proper economic incentives!:

'Your problem seems to be depression or angst...Depression I charge £75 a session angst is £125.'

Stocks dropped sharply on the rumor the government will appoint a greed czar.

"The only spells she does anymore are the Gospels."

I don't care if he was born on a record-breaking day, Dad, we're not naming him 'Nasdaq.'

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

"What're you in for?"

'And to think I started out as a little bundle of joy.'

'If everything is illusory, why should I listen to you?'

Mother Cyclops: 'He has your eye,'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'