Retirement Planners' Humor Gifts

'This IS our retirement plan.'

"That's not what I meant when I suggested rocking on the porch, Mr. Clampwell."

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

Couple in bed with health charts

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'75% of our resources are taken up dealing with the aged and infirm...and that's just the staff!'

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

"As a foolproof retirement plan hoping that one of the Kardashians falls for you might be a little optimistic."

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

"Let the minutes show we're not taking the pension fund and putting it all on the 2.30 at Newmarket."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

"What what of all the dates I couldn't save, Jimmy."

In it for the long haul.

"Sorry, Dad, but it's time to consider a retirement kingdom."

Bear Market

'Its equipped with an air cushion in case I fall asleep!'

"If you're so good, why are you still working?"

"... Till death us do part."

'Got anything smaller?'

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 guests?'

'Lorna?! Jack?! So how long has THIS been going on?'

'Remove this - it's libelous!'

Guide to making your undead years your best years.

"We've been up here forty-three years - Maybe we SHOULD start looking into retirement homes."

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

'I got us a stretch smart car...Neat, huh!?'

'Seven days' free approval or no - I tell you it's stuck!'

'O.K...O.K...I won't mention retirement again!'

Oap recruitment.

"Of course contributing to Sally's wedding gift is strictly voluntary...naturally I'llave to list you as not contributing on the company website!"