Retirement Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Happy retirement, Bastable!"

"Why bother?"

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"How's your memory?"

'You are always living in the past!'

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"My bottom went to sleep."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'It's my prostate.'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

"It's the Florida kid."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

Bear Market

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.