Retirement Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Happy retirement, Bastable!"

"Why bother?"

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

James Bond: Senior Years.

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

When scientists come out of retirement.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

'You are always living in the past!'

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'It's my prostate.'

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"My bottom went to sleep."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

"It's the Florida kid."

Bear Market

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.