Retirement Humor Gifts

Dave talks about the life as a Paramedic...

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Who gets Meals on Wheels?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"That's not what I meant when I suggested rocking on the porch, Mr. Clampwell."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

When scientists come out of retirement.

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

"My bottom went to sleep."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'This IS our retirement plan.'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

Bear Market

Old fly...retirement home.

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

"I've given up the ghost"